Hamartia (i love this word!)

                              
         Can I just paint a HUGE sign on my chest that says:

         WARNING: PERSON WITHOUT CONVICTION.
         DO NOT RELY.


...............then, I wont have to explain myself to the defensive. (sigh)

Return to Sender

Nothing hurts more painfully than having your sincerity doubted and rejected by the people you've willingly invested yourself into. The pain is like a nail repeatedly pounded into your heart and lungs that you could only hope to survive for the night. It damages your unblemished point of view, which has been nothing but optimistic, hopeful, and considerate. It pushes you to question the nature of mankind and the anatomy of one's psychology to the brink of doubting everything that education, morals, and experiences have taught you. The stinging tears that refuse to fall makes your nerves falter and you grasp for anything that is real to support you but you find none because nobody knows what reality really is. When at last you wake up after a sleepless night of internal bleeding, you force yourself to stand up and face the world again, plastering a broken smile and averting eyes that still refuse to let go. You walk like a zombie as you try to keep life going and in your head, the saddest of all sad songs play in harmony with your steps and your life flashes before you as you swallow the betrayal of the world you so loved.

Then, you try to reason yourself why it bothers you so much. Then again, you realize it would not have hurt if you had not have cared. And I just could not get the cliche that the heart only gets stronger after it is broken because it is not reality. Reality is pain, reality is agony, reality is anger..not some silly optimistic and hypocritical quotation.

Yes. It hurt when I received that big "RETURN TO SENDER" note. But I smiled when I read, "FOR A BETTER ADDRESS". 

Time to Let Go again

Things are different, things have changed.
Try as I might, there's just no other way.
To move on, to let live, to find love and be happy.
Though I know that I've already lost you,



oh no, you haven't lost me. :'(

To E-R-R is Human, To Forgive is Divine

It's one o'clock and I am still awake
I could hear you from a distance
You're so full of life, of energy, so full of mischief
I knew it was you because that was how I remembered.

It's been a while already that I haven't seen you
I'm not sure you will be coming back
But don't you ever think that I don't ever think of you
Because I do, as if you were here

And I'm still not over you're gone forever
And I'm trying to live each day with a smile
But cold evenings bring back memories
And old photographs never lie

That you were here, here in my heart
You were every missing part
Having you was like having a piece of heaven
Because I know you were sent to me
To make me see all the love and the beauty
And  I know now why I'm here, I understand
Because you were His masterplan

I could say the world will turn
The cars will move, the leaves will fall
And I'll be counting down the Christmases
I know I'll have to spend without you

Your laughter will echo in my sleep
Your thought will flow through my mouth
You don't know the hopelessness I feel
Try as I might, it's too late now

You were always the strong one
I admire you for that
Too bad you're no longer here to be one
But you taught me how to, and I'll do just that
Please remember that I love you so much
My portal to nostalgia
Wherever you may be, please don't ever forget me
Coz I will forever hold on to your memory

Azkaban My Ass

I have come to realize that I am no good at being chained and bound. 

No, I'm not a squirmy prisoner. I'm not a whiner also. You wouldn't even know that I'm trying to escape.

Every day that you keep me captive, I just give you a poker face. 

On exceptional occasions, you might get lucky enough to receive my poisonous nectar.

But usually, you wouldn't even know that I am trying to escape.

I'm going nowhere!

I have come to realize that I am no good at being chained and bound.

And since you wouldn't even know that I am trying to escape,

Brace yourself for one day, I will no longer be there.

Undress for kings

      We've been to OURSELVES for several times already...

                       ..............................................so now let's go to PARADISE.

     I will see YOU there Jumar Calapre. hahaha

Cynicism Can Be Tiring

It was the perfect moment.


I was busy reading, you came at my table.
You were mumbling something, so I looked up at you.
You made a friendly greeting, and asked me for something.


I looked directly at your eyes and noticed your eyes twinkling.
A faint smile clung to your lips, and your eyeballs were doing a saccadic movement
As if you were looking for something inside my eyes.


You blurted out that you wanted something from me.
I asked 'What?' though I already knew you wanted a blank Leave form..
I casually looked away as staring makes me feel uncomfortable.


I kept saying 'What do you want?' but you couldn't remember
I was trying to help you 'til you spoke in a faint whisper
"Ka-pretty nimo oi. You look very pretty."


I couldn't help but smile. Though the feeling sunk only a few hours later.
Heartfelt they may be or not, it still brought the feeling of flattery.
And a new sense of attachment and warmth towards you.


It was indeed the perfect moment, as they happen usually in movies.
But too bad I'm a cynic, and I know you can't fool me. Haha!